This past few weeks I have finally found myself coming up above water after feeling so down for the last few months. To understand my situation, my last year went as follows:
- Jan 2019: Ex boyfriend pops back up into my life : We become good friends
- March 2019: My grandfather dies
- October 2019: Ex boyfriend who became my best friend cuts me out of his life for a girl he met a week prior, also sends nasty email saying if I die he wont care or come to my funeral. (Ok, boomer)
- December 2019: A friend from college passes away form an auto-immune disease.
To be clear, I am not wallowing in pitty anymore and asking the universe why me, that stopped in November. However, I am struck by the level of combustion particularly around the same time. Somehow, I started to feel less stuck in the beginning of January and can say that even though some drama occurred this week, I feel fine about it. I can’t say that I am happy about how I reacted or even reacted at all, but I am not beating myself up about it. I shouldn’t feel bad for asking someone to respect me which is honestly the bare minimum of humanity. I am finally busy with my paralegal program and am looking forward to the rest of the year.
I don’t know how many people will read this, but as writer Cyril Connolly said, “Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self.”
So when I am feeling angry, sad, or losing hope I put my headphones, turn up the volume and blast Robyn’s Dancing on my own.